So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
vagina is talking i cant
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
