it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
