so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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