"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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