I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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