I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
