so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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