Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
