She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
