im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
