??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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