How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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