just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my being single is dangerous.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
