Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
