I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
