do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
