Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If its not for food we ain't going out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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