don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
