rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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