I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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