When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
