I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
