I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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