can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
