i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im holly from the hills drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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