Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
