he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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