worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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