i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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