omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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