i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
