Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't deserve a penis
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
