Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm having to shit out rocks
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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