I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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