I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
