So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
