You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
