I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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