I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
this hospital has no fireball
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
