Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
