Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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