Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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