On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
