and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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