Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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