Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!

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  (561): Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir! http://tfl.nu/b2ab
  Replies (18) Good night (2769) Bad night (626)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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  (339): I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/m237
  Replies (93) Good night (5318) Bad night (2059)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

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  (513): you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp http://tfl.nu/1q8y
  Replies (23) Good night (4765) Bad night (723)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.

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  (412): he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night. http://tfl.nu/6lcj
  Replies (39) Good night (1356) Bad night (7682)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he confused my yawn for an orgasm

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  (201): he confused my yawn for an orgasm http://tfl.nu/lvnz
  Replies (14) Good night (1069) Bad night (6558)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.

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  (438): I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning. http://tfl.nu/ev9g
  Replies (15) Good night (3180) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.

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  (608): Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer. http://tfl.nu/9xrq
  Replies (2) Good night (1329) Bad night (647)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?

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  (781): Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge? http://tfl.nu/a35e
  Replies (1) Good night (1454) Bad night (537)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
  Replies (13) Good night (2476) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

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  (403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2
  Replies (9) Good night (2132) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

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  (226): I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday. http://tfl.nu/cgf7
  Replies (5) Good night (1545) Bad night (993)
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  (858): View more from California

  Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.

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  (858): Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home. http://tfl.nu/rouf
  Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary

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  (514): It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary http://tfl.nu/a9h3
  Replies (0) Good night (978) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Is 1:30 too early for the bar?

  (718): View more from New York

  Do you want my opinion or society's?

  (646): View more from New York

  I want your company

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  (646): Is 1:30 too early for the bar? (718): Do you want my opinion or society's? (646): I want your company http://tfl.nu/br9a
  Replies (4) Good night (1434) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.

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  (860): Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me. http://tfl.nu/l2ve
  Replies (5) Good night (689) Bad night (255)

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