If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
