i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
