You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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