i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
