well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
