omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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