Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
