You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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