i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My liver just broke up with me...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
