You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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