So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize