I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
