I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
