A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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