It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
