I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
