Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
