you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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