Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
