dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
