I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
