I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
