I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
