You just made me feel so damn special
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
