Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
