Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
