If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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